When naughty is nice

I’ve done what I did last year with Mr.5 – come December I start hearing myself say, “Well you’d better be careful, Santa knows when you’re being naughty and you know he doesn’t visit naughty boys..”  I know ‘Santa Claus is Coming to Town’ off by heart. Actually, even Mr.2 knows it off by heart, we’ve sung it so many times.  And the other day I recalled the story about his cousin who, when she was three, woke to find her Santa sack empty because she’d been so naughty (true story).

But then I also use lollipops as bribery and all sorts of little tricks to get my kids to behave, so what’s a few little white lies about Santa ‘knowing everything’?

It becomes a problem when you have an extremely inquisitive five-year old.  I got questioned last year, but this year it’s been worse:

“So if Santa can see everything, and knows everything…is he God?”  Then when I pause for three seconds before answering – “Mummy!  Is Santa God?”

The questions that get fired at us about God are bad enough, let alone when you have God and Santa to explain away in a single response.

But then there’s the analysis of our chimneys.  “Didn’t you get the chimney in my bedroom blocked off?”  (Yes)  “So, he could come down the lounge room chimney”  (Yep, definitely)  “But how, because there is that thing on it blocking it so he wouldn’t be able to fit down…so how is Santa going to get inside?”  (Well just in case we’ll leave the back door open!)  “Okay…well where will his reindeer be?”  (On the roof waiting)  “But they only live in places where it snows, so how do they live when they fly here where it’s hot?”  (That’s why we leave them water and carrots so they can have a drink if it’s hot and they’re thirsty……)

I don’t think I’ve told so many white lies in a month before – and I wouldn’t be surprised if Mr.5 figures it all out by himself next Christmas.

But the most amusing thing was when, after another of my ‘Santa knows when you’re being naughty’ spiels, I asked him, “How does being naughty make you feel?”

Mr.5 replied a little tentatively, “It’s..fun..it makes me feel good!”  And off he ran, before he saw the smirk on my face.  He’d just reminded me a bit too much of me as a kid.  Somehow I don’t think it’ll be long until he can appreciate a cartoon like this one:

And despite the naughtiness, all the pushing of the boundaries, of course Santa will pay us a visit.

Especially if Mr.5 comes home with drawings like the one below.  “What is that on Daddy?”  “That’s his penis and his wee.”  “Why did you draw Daddy like that?”  “He didn’t make it to the toilet in time.  I drew it like that because it was funny!”

Ironically, I think this picture almost deserves another present from Santa.

Alison x


6 responses to “When naughty is nice

  1. This is way too cute. I think you should def keep this to display at his 21st! I know what you mean about the questions. The one I’m struggling with at the moment is “why doesn’t Santa bring poor children as many presents?” And as for how Santa knows all we have a friend who says that the birds are the spies for Santa and they report back to him. Tried it with Finn though and he didn’t believe a bar of it.

    • Yeah it’s good, isn’t it! Got a big laugh out of that one! The questioning..I don’t remember asking so many questions about Santa. And yes they know when you’re having them on, so the answers have to be thoughtful, and I adopt a ‘that’s common fact’ tone so he thinks it’s legit. It’s tough. Today I got new ones – how many days has Santa been alive for, will Santa die, what happens if Santa dies etc. I think the ones about God were easier!!

  2. Chortle! Your boy is a born comic, for sure. I kept thinking as I read this “I’m here all night, folks”.

    If it’s any consolation, we tell the kids that Santa brings potatoes to naughty children. When they start getting borderline, I tell them I’m off. Look up some tasty potato recipes. They soon tow (hoe?) the line… x

    • Yes he seems to be a born comedian, my eldest! Potatoes…nice one. We recently read a book where a naughty boy got a lump of coal in his santa sack. That caused some wide-eyed disbelief ‘would Santa really leave just a lump of coal?’ – yes, yes he would…

  3. That drawing is brilliant!! Budding artist there!

    I recall my son once having an “ah-hah” moment in regards to Santa and God. He informed me out of the blue that Jesus tells Santa who to take gifts to…..

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