You can choose your friends..

It’s funny how life works, with the challenges and surprises it throws at you. Like this week has turned out for me.

It seems, perhaps as fate would have it, just when I’d found the perfect day job, and we are all finally settled into a routine (pick ups/drop offs co-ordinated – you know how it is) that it now looks like I’m going to have to quit my day job. Something I do not want to do, but will most likely not have a choice.

The reason? I’ll just leave it at this: you can’t rely on family. I’ve thought that for a while; now I know it. Mr.42 and I know it’s just us from here on in. It saddens us, but it makes us even more determined, for our kids’ sake.

So, there’s no writing course for me in the near future now . It’s back to the drawing board on the day job side of things. Again. Oh the irony.

I’m pretty angry. Livid would be an appropriate adjective. But I’m also sad, because family who cannot put ther own agendas aside will inevitably end up missing out.

However, despite this hurdle, I’m also filled with a rigid determination I haven’t felt before. To create my own work that will hand us back control over our lives, so I can be there for my boys. I feel like it’s now or never.

Have you ever felt the same way?

Alison

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18 responses to “You can choose your friends..

  1. I’m sorry to hear that things haven’t gone according to plan. Since Miss A was born she has been with me every single day, and if not with me, then with Mr G. It’s hard when you don’t have the backup that you thought you would (not for selfish reasons, mainly for the kids having special time with family), but at the same time I do feel happy knowing that Mr G and I have done it all by ourselves. In the long run this will hopefully bring good things for you and the boys. Life never seems to go according to plan. xx

    • Thanks Shell, yes I can understand the special feeling just the two of you doing it on your own. It can be difficult but there is a sense of satisfaction in it and also a comfort I think – although Mr.42 and I have had a very stressful week, underneath it is a special sense of closeness and teamwork we feel when faced with these situations. You just have to do the best you can. x

  2. I feel this way ALL the time. Though I have my Mum and she’s great I do get a sense of passive aggressiveness from her re having the Bebito one day a week…especially if I’m working from home. My Mr and I have carved out every single bit of our lives for ourselves financially and emotionally and sometimes I really wish it would come just a tiny bit easier to us…especially when we see how other get so much support and assistance. It’s a tough slog. More than that though, my Mr works such long hours that I really feel like the challenge of work/home/Mama/friend/daughter/+ my small craft biz is mine alone to work out in this house. I do everything possible to make the Mr’s life as easy as possible. I know he appreciates it but it does leave me exhausted sometimes. I am sure your determination will find you a great way forward though I am sorry it’s not in the way you had planned. It’s disappointing to be let down by people who should hold you up not drag you down.

    • Thanks Cat. Gosh I know how you feel, it’s exhausting trying to please everyone as well as try to carve something for yourself and get ahead. We’ve come to the realization although it’s tiring it’s easier overall to not rely on others and do it yourself, hard but at least there is no emotional bulls*hit to put up with. Sigh!

  3. It has its advantage as well – nobody will ever tell you how they raised your kids while you were doing something else. Even if this something else was being a full-time student. If you listen to my Mom and my Mother-in-law, you’ll wonder if I ever was a mom at all πŸ˜‰

  4. I have absolutely felt this way. Sounds just how my husband and I feel, but the good thing is the part that you already know — you can choose your friends. And friends can be family, if you let them. I have some very good friends that I am proud to consider family, and I am grateful for them.

  5. Love your post. I feel the same way. I was raised to be a career woman but after college I got married and had a daughter. My husband and I both want to raise our kids at home and not in a day care so we decided it was best for me to stay home. My parents and extended family are horrified with my lifestyle choices. I am still struggling with my own career and education ambitions, but I try to remember that life is long and a career can wait. My kids can’t.

  6. wow, this post has lots of meaning right at this moment. As if fate sent it. My husband and I actually decided to move 350 miles away from our parents just to get some fresh air. My mother and his father refused to allow us to live our own life and make our own choices. Their expectations were insane, and still are. But now we are 350 miles away and mostly living our own life.
    My mother has been visiting for the past 5 days and it has not been fun. It never is. Like always, she tells me I am a terrible person, daughter, mother, etc… She finally left about 30 minutes ago (thank god) saying that if I don’t give her a full apology then I will never see her face again. Now I have heard this shpeal a bunch of times already so I just said “ok mom, goodbye, drive carefully” and closed the door. I get so frustrated because I would love to have her be a grandmother to my daughter, but not when my little girl asks me why grandma doesn’t like her anymore. Why did grandma say she is disrespectful and that is why she is leaving. My daughter is 6. You don’t say that to a little girl. My daughter could have so many fun and important family opportunities if my mom would get off the Queen Bee pedestal she puts herself on.
    So I feel for you! I do! I hope things get better on your end. Anytime something doesn’t go according to plan I always try to tell myself that its because something better is just around the corner.

  7. You can do it! Plus, you get to do it all on your own terms. Our lack of family help liberated us enough to move to the other side of the world. And stay there! Your boys will not be little for long and though some days might drag the years will fly by. You write so beautifully, with sincerity and ease. Keep it up and enjoy using your talents! On another level, it will be interesting to know what happens when family come to you for help . . .

  8. I love your blog. I actually believed I was the only one who was crazy enough to walk away from a great career for my child. (In NYC, almost no one ever did…) I never looked back for a second, but of course, some things get a little more difficult. I appreciate your comments as well as those of your readers – and I don’t feel so crazy anymore.

  9. You can do it, Alison. You can make it work somehow. We found a family up the road with similar needs to ours and we swap out and help each other so much. Sometimes you have to MAKE ‘family’, you know!! x

  10. Wow! I’m so sorry that they’ve let you down. That must be awful. I hope that there is reason for this that comes to light for you and realising your dreams is simply postponed rather than cancelled. Good things can come of this.

  11. This touched a chord with me. Recently I have realized how people can hurt you, whether friends or family. So many times they seem so caught up in their own lives that they don’t care about anything else. I went through a horrible breakup and the majority of my friends and family weren’t there for me. Then when a “friend” went through a breakup she called me and was complaining. I tried to be there but she was so hostile. I think she was probably feeling a lot of guilt for her own actions when I was hurt and she wasn’t there so rather than be glad that someone cared about her she decided to be hateful and push me away. So I let her. It’s odd, though. The next day after being hateful she posted something on my fb wall like “thinking of you” and I was just like “whatever” and didn’t respond. Sometimes you have to really take stock of who you allow into your life and the level they’re allowed in. Good luck to you! πŸ™‚ I’m sorry you are having to deal with this.

  12. Great post! I can genuniely relate to being hurt by family. I have been dealing with a step-sister’s negative behavior cycle since my daughter was born over 19 years ago. It is so difficult; especially when I want to
    enjoy the rest of my family, but even having her there makes me anxious! Although I do put on a “happy face” and tolerate her, it takes me at least a couple days to decompress afterwards. I have come to realize I don’t even like her, which goes against everything I believe, but for my own happiness and wellbeing, I could not continue to be blindsided and hurt by her actions. I think there comes a time whether it is family or friends that letting go and moving forward without them is for best. Good luck! πŸ™‚

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